Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
