Duck Duck Cougar?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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