the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
