i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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