Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
