is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
