just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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