the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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