He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
