What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
