Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just want nice things and good sex
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Dicks are not precious.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
