We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
