That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
