Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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