wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
