well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
