I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
