i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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