I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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