Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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