I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
