Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
