i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Randomize
