I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
