haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
