I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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