My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We are two peas in an std pod
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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