So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
