I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
