If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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