he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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