i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
