Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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