Someone shit on the floor
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Randomize
