i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
