Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
