So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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