i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I booty called her while she was in labor.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
