so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
