dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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