I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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