i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
