He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
