the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
