Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
