did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
If that was your dad, he is hot
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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