Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
