after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
