dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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