just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
