dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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