I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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