Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
